You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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