I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
