I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
