you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
