alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
