got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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