Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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