Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
