I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
All the doctor said was why
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
