So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
