i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
