holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's like iHOP with fire
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
