Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
operation have a gay friend backfired
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize
