sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Quick, to the slutcave!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
