Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
