I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
