god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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