I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Apparently you make a good broom.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
is wine microwaveable?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
