She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
