Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
