I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Non-Jews are for practice
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
