I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
