Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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