So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
