when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
