I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
These tits shall not be calmed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
