Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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