By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
