they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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