One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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