How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
