If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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