kristin has been a bad kristin
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
