we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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