24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
