we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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