HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
