you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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