i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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