alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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