I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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