I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
