FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
