i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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