What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
