I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
