so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
