doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
