just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
