just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
