'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
