my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
