what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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